why didn't you poke me back
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
