On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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