Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
