she was so not down for the gang bang
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
