How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
