ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
