the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
