yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
