I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
