There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
