I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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