She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
