No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
