Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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