you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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