wat bout pragnant strippers??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
