Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
one might say we're banned from that church
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
