does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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