By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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