You're so nebulous sometimes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
