i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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