You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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