I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
