My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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