Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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