I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
