I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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