just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
