3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
