Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ttyl tear gas
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
