Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
