They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
