She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
