so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
