guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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