I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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