My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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