it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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