She's JV to your varsity
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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