Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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