If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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