my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
