And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
