thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
