it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
