dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
