i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
