I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
