Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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