i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
